Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Will I ever understand?

05th October is my birthday. 
Dad died on 06th October. 
Dad’s birthday was 11th November.

After 13 years, I thought I understand why God took daddy the day after my 21st birthday and close enough to his birthday. 
I thought it was to help me remember him all the time and how much I love him.
I thought it was to remind me of how faithful God is in helping me live in grief.
I thought it was this and that blah blah blah but somehow,
I never really understand why.

I notice people's loved ones often departed close to  Birthdays, Wedding Day, Convocation Day, Exam Day, Anniversary...
you name it. 

What about you?
Have you ever understood why your loved ones departed close to an important/a significant date? 

Nelson Sigan Kulong
In loving Memory
11th November 1952 - 06th October 2001
Daddy and I when I was almost 2

Our time spent together was too short daddy.
As I grew older, I never really liked it when you came to my room to kiss me goodnight every night or kissed me good morning even the day I last saw you. 
Now I realize that in my whole life, you are the only one that ever kissed me goodnight or good morning.
You are not like any other typical Asian dads.
They don't kiss their children but you always did.

If only you lived longer to give me a chance to treat you and mommy the vacation that you deserved on your birthday.
If only you lived longer to have an instagram/facebook/twitter/skype/whatsapp account then contacting you would be easier than those days.
If only you lived longer for me to really get to know you because you were hardly home.
If only you lived longer to walk me down the isle on my wedding day (if that ever happens).
If only you lived a  month longer to celebrate your 49th birthday.
If only.....

Your kindness, love,  generosity, compassion, patience, passion, joy, fun, jokes, dream, remain fresh in memory and I am living your legacy. 
You lived your life for others and you never get to give yourself what you wanted.
You humbly fed those who were hungry.
You selflessly provided to those who were in need.
You were always kind to others.
You always cooked for others.
You were always willing to accommodate and help our friends who had issues with their parents.
Our house became the house of refuge and I sometimes got jealous.
You never failed to make people laugh.
You were loved by people around you.
You always gave us the best.
But you never get what you wanted.
You never get to fulfill your dreams.
You never reached 50 like you anticipated.

The last phone conversation that we had was two days before you left and it was unpleasant because I slammed the phone while you were still talking 
 The day we last had a  serious face to face father-daughter conversation was five months before you left and you told me that you were proud of me and that was the best gift I've ever had in my life.
I pledged to myself that I will continue to make you proud until the day I die.
You did not leave me a fortune but you left me with a piece of yourself.

Today, I live to love, to educate, to entertain, to help, to motivate, to make people laugh, to help people smile, to encourage and I am still learning to do more for others.

It's your birthday daddy. 
 Should I say "Happy" Birthday when you are no longer here?
Knowing you and your 'Joie De Vivre' attitude, I believe you don't mind me wishing you a Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

I'm sure daddy was the reason behind this happiness
Guard your heart,

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