Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Still deciphering

All my life I have always enjoyed holiday.
A teacher have always been envied by her non-teacher friends.
Because she has more than 100 days holi-DAYS a year.
Tell me about it.
I am a teacher.
So I know.

It's school holiday now.
1 week.
For the first time in my whole life....
I am not excited at all!

Everybody went back to their hometown.
I am left all alone here.
I have lots to do.
Well, that's not a good reason for not going back.

I'm tired.
I do miss my friends and family in KL.
I do miss them.
Only God knows how I miss them.

I've done a lot of thinking this few days.
And somehow I'm stuck when it comes to 'HOME'.
I have had one entry about home a few years ago in my old blog.
The same old question still haunts me.
Where is my home?

I have been missing the feeling of home since dad passed.
Then it became worst when my family moved to another state.
There goes my hometown.

How in the world can I call a place that I've never known my 'HOME'?
Yes, I do visit my mom and sisters but there is no home anywhere for me.
The only thing left in my hometown is my Dad's grave and all the memories I had with daddy.

Some say, 'Home is where you are understood'
Some even say 'Home is where your heart is'
Small kids will definitely say 'I want to go home..I want mummy and daddy'
Mummy and Daddy are their home
I know where I am understood, where my heart is, where my mummy and where my daddy is...
But the problem is....none of that places makes me feel home.
Not even the place where I am sitting now!
The irony is, up to now, whenever I dream of my family,
I always dream of us in our old house back in Labuan.
The house that we rented back in 1988 - 1996.

I guess I'm not the only one having such dreams.
Probably because those were the happiest days of our lives.

Sometimes, I'm blaming dad for 'leaving' us too soon.

Somehow, when I thought of all the orphans who never had moms and dads,
I do envy them coz they'll never get to miss having the feeling of being home coz they never had one.

On the other hand, I'm thankful I had one.

What say you?

I'm still deciphering...
Deciphering adulthood...



Anonymous said...


lama tak read your blog. glad u finally update.

well, to me home is where u are happy.

dont be sad. why dont you wait and start a new home? with yur own family. its going to be lovely.

you have to be patience.

one day, u will be happy and it's worth all the waiting.


Cath said...

True, i believe in that =D

Thank You Hana =D...

One day, we'll have our HOME SWEET HOME kan

RCLL said...


Syari said...

Hi cath,

I can relate to what you feel about home.I don't really have one to go back to in Malaysia. *sigh* All started when I lost my mom.